Before I begin my rant about what exactly I am "done" with, let me begin by offering some of my favourite aspects of being a mommy to my baby girl. For, if I do not speak of the positive aspects of parenting, I fear I will sound like one of those super unhappy mommas that only complains about how terrible it is to have a child...someone who begs the question, "Well, what did you THINK it was going to be like?" If I don't offer up a balanced view before my coming complaints, my skewed negativity may actually MAKE me more of a pessimistic mommy, and I just don't want that.
So, some WONDERFUL things about my little baby girl:
1) Since Evalie was only about 4 weeks old, we have been enjoying between 5-8 hours of solid sleep per night. This is a gift worth more than any parent could ask for! Every once in a while, she breaks this pattern, but more often than not, I wake looking at the clock then smiling.
2) Evalie is super happy at home. She smiles, she explores, she plays, she brightens my life.
3) I haven't had to deal with any breastfeeding difficulties (besides just the usual learning of the dance). She eats like a champ, and I am continually thankful for God's provision for milk and a good latch.
After seeing the above tremendously wonderful boasts about my baby Evalie...you may wonder, "Whatever does Erika have to complain about?" Well...let me tell you.
I am DONE with driving Evalie around. SHE HATES HER CARSEAT. She hates the car. She hates being buckled in the car seat. And, before you go offering all sorts of unsolicited advice, please realize that this is NOT for lack of trying EVERYTHING we can think of to remedy the situation. Unlike many parents who talk about driving around their babies for hours to try to get them to stay asleep, we have the opposite problem.
And I am DONE.
I just can't do it anymore. I think I have given it a good shot...12 weeks is a pretty good amount of time to try to deal with it. But, anytime I want to go anywhere, I have to listen to crying crying crying. And, not just the usual, "I am tired, I am hungry, I am sad" crying. Nope. This is the, "Mom!!! You know what is wrong! Get me outta here! Why won't you help me?! You KNOW how to fix this problem...so why won't you FIX IT NOW!?!?" It's the red in the race, eyes wide open, sweat dripping down her head kind of crying. And, then I join right in.
Yes, I cry.
I cry right along side my baby girl. Because I know that I COULD make it better. I could easily take her out of that car seat (which I do right in our parking lot before I even take her into the apartment building) and hold her and shhhh her and make it all better. But, I choose to keep her safe, to keep her locked in that terrible monstrous contraption that is ensuring her life continues in case of an accident. Yes, I know she is unhappy, but she is also SAFE.
It breaks my heart. And, I just can't do it anymore. Aside from the rare errand where we MUST drive, I am now walking everywhere with her (case and point: dentist appointment today...what a wonderful dry warm overcast day for a walk). No more road trips. No more long days running about town to a whole bunch of different events. No more missing feeds and naps and all those things that make me and my girl happy. I need a break.
And I am taking one.
10 comments:
Sadness... it is so hard to hear your baby cry and even harder not to fix it. Hold on to the hope that one day she'll be content in the car. Praying for sunny days and good walking weather for you -- it is amazing what we'll do to keep our little ones happy!
My niece hated the car until she could actually see out the windows to the world around her. They did pretty much what you are doing. Just limiting the car trips to the bare minimum. Hope she grows out of it quickly for you.
You probably don't want to be thinking of it, but that plane ride is not going to be fun! You'll have to pray for someone like Lissa to be on your flight. :)
Does she arch her back when you put her in the car seat? That's the WORST!!! I'm sure it will all get better though. :) Hugs!!
Erika, Nathan hated his car seat too & we were in the car all the time (mostly from my parents to home...). I remember being excited one time when he stopped crying and we were only halfway home! He grew out of it & so will Evalie. Praying for you!
HI Allie - thanks for your comment! I would love to check out your blog, but need an invitation...let me know if you're willing!
Yes, that is horrible and it will eventually get better - but that does not help right now! I cried too when Arabella was in this stage, I actually started to turn up the music to half drown it out...sorta helped. Walking is good anyway, so that is a lovely alternative! Running around doing errands around town is no fun anyway :)
Well you are not alone in this. I was one of those babies whom loved to be in the car, it's the only way mom and dad could get me to sleep when I was little, dad would drive around our small town over and over, so much so, that even to this day, I still fall asleep easily when I'm the passenger. I wish I could give you a big hug and a magic answer, but only time will help with this. And luckily, it's summertime and glorious days for walking.
I love the first picture of her with the yellow top. So cute! And I love the purple Bumbo!
She's gorgeous!
I happened upon your blog while on a search. I loved your post. Your daughter is a lucky girl.
From a much, much older Evalie
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